Monday, April 17, 2006

The Little Boy Who Died

Once upon a time and in a land far, far away, there lived a little boy who liked to play with fish. One day, while he was out playing with Buster his pet carp, a giant squid lunged out of the wading pool and gave the little boy a real hard time.

“You suck, Wilbur!” it said, and fell back into the pool with a great splash.

“Holy spam!” cried Wilbur. He ran at full speed into the house and frantically explained to his mother what had just happened.

“I was just minding my own b-business, when this giant s-slimy thing jumped out of my pool and said b-bad things to me!”

“Why, that’s just awful!” exclaimed his mother. “Now you march right back out there and tell that big nasty monster that you won't take any crap from it!” She smiled pleasantly at her nutty little son and went back to frying Buster’s friend Jim.

Wilbur went out to the yard and approached the pool. Below the glistening surface of the water, he could make out the dark silhouette of the giant squid. It was just wallowing there, grinning. Wilbur grabbed a big stick. Suddenly, the squid, displaying the unlimited raw power that only a squid of this magnitude could possess, broke through the water and ate Wilbur.

“Burp” went the squid.

Moral: Never listen to Mom.

I'm not sure where that came from. Probably another one of those computer-room breakins of mine. Hope it made some of you giggle, time-wasters! It's actually part of a larger document I've got squirrelled away called "The Road to Doom; and Other Bedtime Stories." I thought you might get a kick outta that.


Stupid Woman Driver said...

you need to finish the handyman story!! i bout peed my pants reading that :D
xoxo, Lauren

Jack W. Regan said...

"The Road to Doom and Other Bedtime Stories?" I'd have kids just so I could read these to them!