Depraved Indifference

I recently heard the charges read out against a defendant in criminal court--no, Stupid Blogger, I wasn't there defending myself, either. What amused me (the crimes weren't amusing) was the judge's arcane terminology. She said, "Mr. Heinous, you have been charged with assault, battery, etc., etc., etc. and of course, with Depraved Indifference."

This last charge made me snortle (which is a quiet sort of laugh--kind of a cross between a snicker and a chortle).

Depraved Indifference. This is probably the constant attitude of almost all cats. Foo Daddy, you claim to have some very advanced level cats, and I can't see any reason for you to lie. However, it's a rare cat who wouldn't be found guilty on any given day of Depraved Indifference. A dog, now, would not. A dog is anything but indifferent. Dogs are frequently depraved (crotch sniffing, poop eating, leg humping, road kill dragging, etc.) but are quite passionate in their depravity. They are also helpful. There are many fine stories of dogs who heard a cry for help and didn't stop to even look. They ran flat out to the nearest pay phone, dialed in a Life Flight and then commandeered a car on the freeway and rushed back to cover the sufferer with a blanket.

A cat would have prowled over, glanced at the carnage from the corner of his eye, said "Sucks to be you!" and walked away.

That is depraved indifference and I think it comes with the death penalty.

There are probably even funnier ways to use this phrase and I'm counting on all you Stupid Ninjas to help me come up with them.