Sunday, April 09, 2006

Housework, Cause of Sorrow

My friends,

I stand here to address a very pressing problem in our nation today. Yes, and the entire world is held captive by this most dreadful scourge of the earth. Oh! If only we could step away from these chains that bind us fast and move about as free humans in a free society, free from the bonds of Housework!

Housework was invented by our Founding Fathers to prevent us from having the fun that we so richly deserve. We should not have to do housework. Any simpleton can grasp the concept that, after washing mounds of dishes, they are merely dirtied up again.

What, then, is the point of washing them in the first place? To clean them? Fiddlesticks, I say! Fiddlesticks! If this ungrateful younger generation would clean their plates, there would be no need to wash them at all! No need, I say! NO NEEEEEEED!!!

Therefore, it is the conclusion of this brilliant, analytical mind (that I just happen to have) that it is the younger generation that is the cause of housework. Yes, and you may say, "What is the solution?"

The solution, I say, is this. If the little tykes do not clean their plates, take the plates and SMASH THEM OVER THEIR HEADS!!! And if this doesn't work, you might try eating off paper plates.


Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

I'm in wholehearted agreement. It's not "slovenly," nor is it "laziness," but merely a drive for efficiency that keeps me from doing housework. Apartmentwork. Whatever.

So, you've got your piles of crap with cunning little passages through and around them, and that's all you need, dagnabbit!

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Oh, and I would also like to see plates smashed on children. No, it's not sick.