Sunday, April 23, 2006

Stupid Jokes

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, readers. “What a cheap post!” Well, maybe you’re right. But I’m afraid it will have to do for now. Personally, I think these jokes are hilarious, but perhaps you don’t have the same demented sense of humor I do. On the other hand, you are visiting this Blog…

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.

Who's there?
Schizophrenic interrupting cow.
Schizophrenic inter-

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Control freak.Cont-
Now you say "control freak who?"

Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone!

Q: What's the difference between a 7-11 and a smurf?
A: A 7-11 is a 24-hour convenience store and a smurf is a small blue fictional cartoon character.

Why do farts stink?So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Two cows are grazing together. One says to the other,
"By the way, aren't you getting worried about that mad cow disease that's going around?"
The second cow replies, "I don't give a crap - I'm a helicopter."

A rabbi, a horse, and an astronaut walk into a bar. The barman looks at the three of them and says "Hey, what is this, some kind of joke?"

Two guys walk into a bar. Which is odd, because you would think at least one of them would have seen it first.

A duck walks into a convenience store. "Hi," he says, "got any duck food?"
"No," replies the clerk.
"Okay," the duck says, and leaves. Next day, the same duck walks into the same convenience store. The same clerk is there. "Hi, got any duck food?" asks the duck.
"I told you yesterday, no!" the clerk says.
"Okay," says the duck, and leaves.
This continues for a couple of days until finally the clerk can't take any more. "Look," he snaps, "we didn't have any duck food yesterday, we don't have any today, and we won't have any tomorrow! And if you come in here and ask me for duck food one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to the floor!" Then he kicks the duck out of the store.
A few weeks later, the duck comes back. "Hi," he says, "got any nails?"
The clerk is taken aback. "No," he replies.
"Great!" says the duck. "Got any duck food?"

Q: What did the farmer say when he opened his barn and his plow was missing?
A: "Where's my plow?"

Two friends are hiking in the woods, when they suddenly come across a wide, deep, perfectly round hole in the ground. It is so deep, they cannot see the bottom. Intrigued, one friend finds a pebble and drops it in... silence. The second friend finds a large rock, hefts it over, and pushes it into the hole... silence. Finally, the first friend finds a huge wooden plank, pushes it in, and listens... silence. Then a goat comes running through the forest at about 60 mph and jumps straight into the hole, disappearing.As the two friends are taking this in, an old farmer walks by.
Farmer: "excuse me, have you seen my goat?"
Friend: "we saw a goat, but it just ran straight into this mysterious hole."
Farmer: "Oh, then that goat couldn't have been mine. My goat was tied to a huge wooden plank"

Q: Why do mice have such small balls?
A: Because very few mice know how to dance.

A man is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Opens the door, nobody there. He looks down and sees a snail on the front porch. Huh. He picks it up and chucks it as hard as he can. Three years later, the man is sitting in his living room, hears a knock. Opens the door. There's a snail on his porch. Snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

A dog goes into a telegram office and says to the operator, "Woof woof woof woof woof woof." The operator copies it down and says, "You know you can send one more woof for the same price."The dog says, "But, then it wouldn't make sense."


Anonymous said...

LOL! I loved these :) Lame as they are, a few of these I'd actually heard before, and they were my favorites! XD I like the "two men walk into a bar," the duck one, and the one with the hole (the first two I had heard & loved already and the third is a new favorite for me.)

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Duck food! Lol! Ha ha, I mean!

Jack W. Regan said...

Actual jokes on the Blog? That seems perilously close to treason! Of course, this was back when I thought it possible to have something new on the Blog each day. Ah, but was I naive! (Pronounced "knave.")