Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Welcoming A New Member!

Like "FooDaddy," I would like to welcome our new member, Jacob "Extraordinarily Not Gay" Nordby, to the party! (Yes, this is a party, minus the booze, loud music, scantily clad women, and possible jail time.)

However, is it not strange that he feels the need to loudly point out he is not gay? I was not aware anyone had accused him. Hmmmm, interesting....

Anyway, I've know Jacob for many years, during which time we both gathered large amounts of dirt on one another to be used at the most inappropriate times, such as dinner parties thrown in honor of foreign dignitaries. I'd be talking to the Prime Minister of Japan, when Jacob would sidle effeminately up beside me and say in very loud voice,

"So! How are you two getting along? You know, Primey, Craig here is a huge World War II fan. He runs around the house constantly yelling, 'Remember Pearl Harbor!' Heh, heh. You should ask him how many Japanese casualties there were on Okinawa! Betcha he'd know!" At this point, my career and reputation would melt around me like ice sculptures in August and I would spend the rest of my life an outcast.

To be on the safe side, I've decided to reveal all of Jacob's secrets before he can reveal any of mine, a sort of pre-emptive strike, so to speak. HA!

Whoa! A guy named Vinny just came barging into my apartment and is attempting to strike me with an extremely blunt object. Okay, fine! I'll hold off on the secrets! Geez, people are so sensitive these days...


Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

my esteemed and effete colleague has apparently never heard of the concept of M.A.D. (mutually assured destruction). I explained this to my son last night when he threatened to pour water on my head. He, predictably, thought I was stupid, but he also didn't douse me.

So, yeah...Stupid Blogger... I'd suggest looking closely at my aresnal of dirt and then compare it to your own. Make sure you have enough in your kitty to take me out if I start a pre-emptive strike of my own.

The problem with stupid people is that we don't give a crap about the consequences. That's the only reason, for example, that we'd find ourselves dead posting stuff like this on a fully public forum. Obviously, none of us is considering a career in politics!

The Stupid Blogger said...

Mutually assured destruction, eh? I feel no pangs of fear at your threats, little man, so you can sit around the Politburo and scheme all you wish.

Furthermore, I have a secret weapon...I shall deny everything! Okay, so it's not a secret any more.

Besides, I think it would be mighty difficult to make people take anything posted on this Blog seriously. So if you plan on revealing my lifelong habit of snorting Jell-O® powder, (oops!) then you will have to start an entirely new blog entitled "The Blog of Serious Offenses Committed by Craig as a Young Boy," because you don't know any of the offenses I have committed lately--and I assure you, they are much, much worse.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

My own current crimes are so (&*@#$@# heinous I just got goosebumps!

The Stupid Blogger said...

Which is a crime in and of itself.