"Why, that seems like the crappiest job in the world!" you are saying to yourself. "Only a moron or flatulent clown would find such a career rewarding!"
And to you, I'd say, flatulent clown? How little sense you make! I fail to see what that has to...mumble mumble...ran out of ideas.
Yep. These employment opportunities, while ideal fits for my physiological and psychological makeup, may induce incessant and unwarranted snorting and dismissive hand gestures in others. Bah.
- Toddler chaser (For their own good, of course. Heh heh.)
- Ferrari top-speed tester
- Professional Sarcasm Distributor
- Computer systems Instance of Malfunction Cussmaster
- Procrastinator General (cabinet level)
- Punter of Annoying Pre-Teens (I'd supply my own cleats!)
- Grizzled hobo who yells at invisible bugs
- Humor columnist (Hey, there had to be one serious one.)
- Eater of Delicious Cinnamon Rolls (EDCR) for some oblivious bakery
- Kitten juggler
- Photographer of Pretty Stuff for Money; extra money for any subsequent Photoshoppery of Pretty Stuff
- Navigator for people who hate being on time
So, any employers out there who have openings in any of the above fields, please contact me! I'll be out getting lost somewhere, so try my cell first.