Before I begin, I’d like to apologize for the graphic nature of my graphic. It appears, however hilariously rendered they may be, that these painted lovers are at least engaging in a very safe form of intercourse.
Well, I think it’s hilarious, anyway. Imagine, if you will, the kind of damage this image would do to a child who has yet to ask the question “where do babies come from?” and get a straight answer. “What do one’s scapulae have to do with procreation?” the child gifted with quite the vocabulary would ask.
Actually, let the kids believe what they will. It’s no more harmful than telling them that babies come from storks or Santa Claus or Delphi.
Scruffy Love, Chapter 2
In the late afternoon that day, Buck Studson and Cassidy Swoony made love.
“It’s done!” beamed Buck, holding out his half of the pink heart of Popsicle sticks and shiny rocks. “Whaddya think?”
“Oh, Buck! It’s as beautiful as the stars are numerous!” swooned Cassidy. She fluttered a dainty, manicured hand under her elegantly sculpted chin and fell off her stool.
They had some sex to celebrate their love, which lay forgotten upon the workbench, portending odious things to come. Unbeknownst to the two lovers who still bore the bruises where love struck them, trouble was in their road and approaching fast.
Thurgood Bastardson approached town fast, his pointy goateed chin pressed into his beat-up, crappy old horse’s neck. He urged the beast on to greater efforts by swearing at it, because he was a jerk.
“I mean to have that Cassidy all to my own odious self!” he roared into the mane of his horse. “Because I’m a jerk!”
The thunder of hooves rolled out over the land like evil pancake batter.
Buck and Cassidy lay in the afterglow, playing pillowgames.
“King me!” hooted Buck triumphantly.
“My bosom doth heave in consternation,” sighed Cassidy, and did as her studmuffin commandethed. The tranquil silence of the sunny afternoon was suddenly shattered by the clatter of hooves on Buck’s cobblestone driveway.
“Remain here, squishylips,” Buck said tenderly. “I think somebody is occurring without, and I mean to divine the nature of their visit.” He strode manfully and naked over to the window and tumbled gracelessly out into the bushes.
“Buck Studson! We meet at last, o’ foul ladyhog! You may be young and virile, but I am unscrupulous and crafty and this gives me an edge over your do-gooding ways! I come demanding the Swoony woman for no evident reason, other than because it would abrade you something fierce!”
“Bastardson! You’re a bad man, you antagonist!” growled Buck, stepping from the shrubbery.
Thurgood chuckled, and the sound of that chuckle was like evil crabs fighting in a dark mixing bowl. “That is correct, good sir. Should I take this insight on your part as acquiescence to my—why are you naked?”
Buck looked down, and smiled.
“Gross!” said Little Rodney, and ran back into the tool shed.
…To be continued!