Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Baseball

I am going to say something so blindingly objectionable to the longsuffering Tigers fans that, even across the many miles to where I sit ensconced in safety and comfort, I tremble a little bit.

I HATE BASEBALL! It is a game only for the seriously bored and those who live in places like Michigan.

OUCH! Dang it! (That was my wife pulling a small hair on my leg out)

So, anyway, baseball. All these guys get together and play a very, very long game.

Football I get. The guys are huge. They crash into each other. They sweat alot. Mostly people get hurt and carted off in ambulances. And, they have scantily clad girls jumping around who seem very happy no matter what happens. (That's a big advantage of being questionably intelligent and beautiful--everything is wonderful and you don't even know why!).

the other nice thing about football is that it gets over with. You do some eliminations and stuff and then you have this huge game in January (that's the Superbowl, for you baseball types). One game. That's all.

Baseball guys have to play dozens of games just for the chance to play another seven games. At a certain point one of the teams just says, "Heck with it" and slumps off in boredom.

Another thing. In baseball, you hardly ever have any fights. You don't foul each other. Almost no drama.

Quite probably, baseball is the least exciting major sport--well, maybe with the exception of Major League Quilting.

21 comments:

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Wow. I am really embarrassed, Stupid! Seriously. This is NOT good. I failed to even notice that you have written a pre-emptive and much more humorous piece re: the ailment called baseball.

I am sorry. Mea Culpa, etc. ad nauseum

The Stupid Blogger said...

Hey, not a problem. I actually enjoyed this piece, although when I get home from work today, I may have to object, perhaps strongly and in highly incensed tones, to one or two points.

Besides, how could I be upset about something that, to some extent, reinforces my own argument?

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Well, thanks for your longsuffering-ness (or is that longsufferingization?), but I was still mortifified to find that I was a footnote on the page of your comedic greatness.

Craig, you should have been born into MY family--wit, terrifying vocabulary and passable good looks. I had to be careful there, I was starting to sound gay--not that there's anything wrong with that (don't want to offend Foo)

Dan said...

Because baseball is so innocuous compared to, say, football (where, as you noted, there is so much pain and suffering), women seem to like it more than other sports. This becomes a distinct advantage when you actually attend a baseball game (but has no advantage when watching it on TV).

If you ever find yourself at a baseball game (it happens), take a good pair of binoculars. You will easily spend 90-100% of your time scanning the crowd for bouncing boobs and such. This doesn't occur at football, where the few women there are too busy clenching their teeth and hiding their eyes.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Wow, Dan. You are making a great point here.

In fact, I am even at this moment watching baseball (Mets vs. Cards) and you are very right. The TV camera guys are being very stingy about zooming in on the fairer sex.

Paulo said...

REAL football (soccer) is the way to go baby!

Don't understand how you can call something football when you have what you call soccer...

I wrote a post on my blog about hating baseball, and why it's not a sport, blue-ball-blog.blogspot.com

My blog is looking horrible, but the post is pretty good, look for it in the index...

Johnny Wadd said...

I agree with you. Baseball sucks. A bunch of juiced up rednecks standing around scratching their bag and sooner or later getting round to swinging a stick around is like watching paint dry. Football is war, Football kicks ass. The NFL as a league itself is run so much better than MLB ever has been.

The Stupid Blogger said...

I gotta tell ya, Paulo, I don't dig soccer, either. I don't care about the name technicalities. Soccer (football), could just as easily be called Headball. How many NFL games have you seen where Peyton Manning makes a long pass to a receiver by bouncing with his head? Doesn't happen.

I dislike soccer for one of the main reasons I don't like baseball. Nobody scores any points! Anyway, gotta to go to work, now. This will be a good topic to explore later.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Nice trying to fool us that YOU HAVE A JOB, Stupey!

The Stupid Blogger said...

Yeah, I know. I just threw that in to sound important, since all the important people I know actually have jobs. Just trying to be one of the guys.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

I don't have a job, either. I am a serial (cereal?) entrepreneur. That's because no one really wants me to work for them. And I get to feel so important because I can MAKE UP my own job titles. Very, very cool.

Jacob Nordby
The Intergalactic Commander of Stunning Coolness

Jacob Nordby
Converter of Virgins

Jacob Nordby
Grand Vizier of Blinding Intelligence

The Stupid Blogger said...

Now that would make a good blog post.

Craig Alan Hart
Gatekeeper for the Edification of Small Furry Creatures and Those Predatory Entities Which Desire to Dine Upon Them

The Stupid Blogger said...

In other words...park ranger.

1Green Thumb said...

Go Tigers!

Harsh words about Michigan too....

The Stupid Blogger said...

Peasel Wookle is a bitter man, Thumb. You'll have to ignore his eccentricities and look through to the inner man. Wait, on second thought, you might be better off sticking with the eccentricities.

The Girlfriend said...

agreed. baseball is a very boring sport and kinda weird. think about it, you got a bunch of guys hitting the snot out of a small round object with a stick the proceeds to run or slide in a festive mannor to a placemat-looking thing. all the while wearing realitively tight fitting pants with socks up to their knees over the pants. theres nothing i want more in a man than that i tell ya. hold me back boys! *couch gag*

The Stupid Blogger said...

Actually, "The Girlfriend" (and I want to make it clear to my fuddy Boo, I mean, my buddy Foo, that I am using this term merely as a term of reference), most sports are weird when one stops to consider them. Blimey! I think I'll write a post about that!

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Stupid,

I had to read your most recent post about 4 (phore) times. For the first three, I thought you were propositioning Foo to be your girlfriend--to which, I'm sure he'd be amenable, except for the fact that he'd have to shave his very kool beard off and do a lot of prancing and skampering.

Anyway, turned out that you were merely defining your relationship with "girlfriend", and (as it turns out) you really have NO relationship with her.

Humph. It's like buying a trashy paperback at the airport bookstore because it has such a cool, mostly naked picture on the front and finding out that it's really a thesuarus only after you are airborne. I was one wrestled down by a very attractive black (woman, Foo, you sick phreak) air marshall after flying into a screaming, spitting fit of rage upon discovering Strunk & White's Li'l Book of Grammatical Rules when I expected a poorly plotted, but very steamy novel of intrigue and scantily clad women.

I may have to write a few posts that are terribly, thunderously boring in their uprightness so you can revise your estimates of my morality. I seem to have been talking myself into a hole here. Hahahahaha.

The Stupid Blogger said...

My, such wickedness, Wikle Possle! I'm shocked and impaled! I hereby sentence you to fifty readings of "Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God" by Jonathon Edwards. I had to read this in school. Not pleasant.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

You are suspiciously and conspicuously silent on my charges (or, perhaps only innuendo) that you may have been propositioning Foo.

Also, I never could make it through Jon's sermon. Even back when I agreed that God was probably angry most of the time, I had a hard time with all that negativity.

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