Saturday, October 28, 2006

All The Things I've Always Wanted To Say

In response to FooDaddy’s FooDaddy’s (huh?) request, I have compiled a list of things I’ve always wanted to say, but didn’t for various reasons, either because I never found the right opportunity or because I was too sensitive to the feelings of others. Mainly, I’m a coward.

1. “Plastic surgery might be able to fix that.”
2. “Excuse me, sir, but is this your Giant Rat of Versailles?”
3. “Watch out, she’s backin’ up!”
4. “Take me to see your leader.”
5. “It’s okay, I have a spare clavicle in my car.”
6. “I hate you.” (And mean it.)
7. “Mind if I take your picture? I need an excuse to buy a new camera.”
8. “Oooooh! My very own catamaran!”
9. “Gimme the money and no one gets hurt. Yeah, I take Visa.”
10. “I want a large medium pizza with water buffalo droppings. Hold the crust.”
11. “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
12. “Yeah, and on the rocks. Hey, there’s ice in here!”
13. “Go on, try to flee. I dare ya’”
14. “Come on, you wanna a piece o’ me? No? Good.”
15. “That’s not a zit, there’s a blood clot in your eye. Better see a doctor.”

Anyway, this was fun! You all should try it. Vote Craig Hart on Nov. 6. Or is it 7? Aw, what difference does it make? Voting twice never hurt anyone.


foodaddy's foodaddy said...

There's got to be more. I'm waiting for The Complete and Final List Of All The Things I've Ever Wanted To Say, Totally Ever, Part Deux.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

I think that you SHOULD say all of those, but especially

#3 (in Walmart near your house, you should have ample opportunity)
#10 (wait until you are talking with a particularly attractive, but clueless, highschool girl running the register at Pizza Hut)
#11 This you should say AT LEAST once per day. Seriously. Only a danged simpleton-coward (sort of like a philosopher-king, only you get alot fewer hot virgins) would avoid saying this.
#15 I don't have any suggestions for this one. It's perfect.

Dan said...

You wussie! I've said all of these things at one time or another to my mother-in-law, my priest, my car mechanic, my local town's ventriloquist.

OK, correction, I never said #10 to the ventriloquist because it wouldn't have made any sense. He's a full-time ventriloquist after all. He doesn't work in a pizzeria.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Oh, so I'm a wussie, eh? Well, YOU are a...a...sillyhead! (No offense.)