Thursday, May 18, 2006

Lawsuits and Weddings

The two do seem to go together a lot, don't they?

My wife, Beth, and I have been hounded the last few days by some arrogant jerk, who has been inexplicably allowed by his keepers to have access to a phone. He has used this privilege freely, calling us regularly and asking for a person who does not even live here. But will he listen? No! Instead, he insists that we have this person call him immediately, because “she is in trouble!” Well, fine, then. Call her up yourself and tell her that, but stop calling here, because we can’t and won’t help you. I swear the guy’s an idiot.

He called again yesterday and, having had enough of his condescension, I said, “If you call here one more time, I will sue the pants off you.”

“I don’t understand these threats!” he whined.

I then asked him the amount in his bank account and, when he told me, informed him that the figure would be sufficient.

“You’ll never be able to touch it,” he said.

Of course, the chances of my suing him are nil, so I have been cooking up schemes to make his life miserable every time he bothers us. Next time he calls and asks to speak with this person, I plan on saying, “Sure! One moment, please,” then setting the phone on the shelf and walking away. Heh. This and other, more elaborate, plots have been keeping my spirits high and I can’t wait to implement them. If you have any ideas about how to foil this imbecile, why not write them in the comments?

Now, folks, I really must go. I may not be able to post anything for the next day or two, since I am supposed to play for a friend’s wedding. Tonight is the rehearsal and the wedding is on Friday. I don’t know what time I’ll get back or if I’ll have an opportunity to post. I’ll try and post something really stupid this weekend to make up for it.


Muppers said...

At least we are in this sinking wedding boat together. Down we go. I just hope we live to tell the story.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

First off, that picture is hilarious, and you should play like that at the wedding. Guaranteed you won't be bothered about it again.

As for your phone psycho, how about saying "speaking!" next time he asks for this woman. He'll most likely be stumped. Ask him where your corn forks are. "I let you borrow those things a month ago for Jimmy's bar-mitzvah, and you still haven't given 'em back!" and then just stand there, breathing heavily.

You may end up entertaining them enough so that they'll call back just to see what you'll say next.

Donnie Massengill said...

You should tell the guy that you just played at the womans wedding, and she went on her honeymoon to Mt. Everest and she froze at the top. Call her there please.

Or just start reading the Bible to him till he hangs up or repents!

Jack W. Regan said...

These are all great suggestions. I'm actually kind of hoping he calls back now...

Anonymous said...

Just scream and scream and scream

christine said...

go buy one of those air horns. then, when he calls, blare it in the mouthpiece. you may also want to cover your ears first because those things are freakin' loud.

Michelle Flaherty said...

I had to deal with something similar although the people calling weren't making any kind of threatening statements. I called the phone company and they said to call the abuse center and it would be handed to the police and then the police would contact you and you could decided if you wanted to press charges or not. I didn't have to go that route and was able to handle it myself with calling them and telling them what the problem was and after that I never got any further calls from them.

The problem is, he doesn't mean anything by it, he's just going about the wrong way.

Anonymous said...

I had the same problem once. Wish I could add something, but saying "sure" and putting the phone down worked after the third time. Love the pic.