Beeny Babies

Before you even think about wandering down to the "indulge in stupidity" link, I know I spelled "beeny" funny. That was intentional. I don't want to get sued by legume-filled corporate execs who may be very sensitive about their product.

Just felt I should clear that up, coming as this post does on the tail of one about proper grammar and spelling.


I'm sure most of you over the age of 10 remember the Beeny Baby craze that oozed through the nation awhile back. There are probably thousands of die-hard collectors still out there trying to get ahold of the rarer ones, but at least the little sacks of grit aren't on network news anymore.

Unfortunately for those of us sensitive to insideously cute collector's items (Precocious Monuments?) the Beeny Babies all had really horrible names. Just, hack cough barf names that were printed with a little lameoid story on a heart shaped tag.

As a Professional Sarcasm Distributor (PSD), I'm gonna make another List. This time of names that those Beeny Babies should have had.

• Crispy the Tiger
• Snotty the Wombat
• Crafty the Cow
• Cheesy the Whale
• Dippy the Dinosaur
• Floaty the Salmon
• Wimpy the Penguin
• Grabby the Snake
• Sneaky the Camel
• Dirty the Hamster

If you time-wasters come up with any other good names, post 'em! I have a lot of places to Distribute my Sarcasm, and a few fires to set. IBYALTW!*

*I'll Bother You All Later, Time-Wasters