Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy Foo Year!

As resident FooDaddy on this here Blog, I'd like to take a moment to thank all you faithful time-wasters for your dedicated reading of our nonsense. As soon as I get the time, money, and spy satellite, I will visit and hug each and every one of you in person.

I played board games. I spilled cider on my lap. I smell like fireworks. It was a good Foo Year's Eve, time-wasters. And you know what the best part is? The header. It will now make a little more sense. There's history there now, and the link to the past it so boldly bears is truly in the past.

So to all of you who told me that it already was 2006, I say this: *cough* Um. No it's not. Haw.

To those who regularly Indulge in Stupidity by leaving us Comments, thank you for making yourselves known. Anonymous? I'd like to give you a shout-out in particular for making sure that all of us know just how evil we've been over the last few months of 2006. To honor you, I will now point out all the evils in this post, because I value you and your time, and would like to help you save some of it.

  1. The graphic of a party hat is inappropriate because it suggests partying and all the drinking and swearing and toilet-papering and hip-movement that goes with it. It should be deleted immediately.
  2. Hugging is the Devil's way of spreading germs. People, especially men and women, should remain at least three feet apart at all times, unless they're married, in which case they may decrease the distance to one and a half feet, but only if they're planning on having children.
  3. Spilling anything on your lap, even if it's accidental, is lewd and should be punished by bullwhip. Your lap contains your reproductive organs, and they should never have attention called to them. Nor should they be talked to.
  4. "Bugging" the "web" is a worldly and nasty thing to do. It should be avoided. Also, the word "bugging" is eerily similar to the word "buggery," which is slang for sodomy. This indicates horrible things, and should be changed to "Giving delightful sugared candies to" in the header.
  5. Mocking people is bad.
In closing, I love you all. Keep that traffic flowing!


Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...


A Happy Foo Year to you, too, my son.

I wish to point out that I am going to stop typing here pretty quickish and go celebrate Boise State University's elevation to the national scene. They are warming their shoulder pads now, I imagine, for a big contest with Oklahoma's Sooners (now THAT is a dumb name).

Anyway, I plan on several types of behavior that would make Anony furious and disappointed. None of these will rupture my marriage vows or lead to jail (I hope re: the latter).

Should I end up in jail, I hope to have some very cool pictures of the havoc I helped to wreak. We'll see.

Anyway, I can't wait to jump into the fray with you as we pulverize the already fragile ego of Anonymous (I mean, anyone who would need to keep their identity secret on this Blog is beyond stupid--very, very needy indeed).

The Stupid Blogger said...

One and a half feet? Easy, stallion.

The Girlfriend said...

stupid, you need to stop by my house and check out the crater in my back yard from the firework display you missed. o! and foodaddy, you seemed to forget how evil fireworks are. they promote distruction and sexual thoughts. why sexual thoughts you might ask? have you ever heard the phrase to "see fireworks"? this sugests the idea of a person "climaxing".
and a note to anonymous:
1. i like being called "the Girlfriend" i have stalker issues and this title given to me is there to protect.(plus, im titled not as just any Girlfriend, but THE Girlfriend. aka. im special)
2. how do you know that buck and cassidy arent married? have you ever read song of songs/solomon? that book of the bible is chuck full of sexual references. sex is a beautiful thing designed by God to be shared by a husband and wife. it is in no way evil.
3. the refrence to the "wicked post with the naked man". God designed the human body, yours and mine. it is Gods work. hand crafted from the dust of the earth. if you care to mock his artistry, i wont stop you.
and finaly...
4. when did God give you the right to judge the writers of the blog of stupid, let alone anyone for that matter? a couple of complete strangers. you have no idea where they are with God. you have absolutely no right to judge anyone.EVER.

The Girlfriend said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Girlfriend said...

add-on to point #2: cassidy said "we'll never get pregnant this way". they must be married!!

and 5. why wont you even give us a first name? are you ashamed to call yourself a christian? how long will you deny having pride in your relatioship with God? think about that one "Peter"

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Whoa, The Girlfriend. Fiery! You whomped him like a rented mule!

I must have you.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Beat him like a tied goat.

The Girlfriend said...

anonymous, i would love for you to respond to this.
rented mule??? wheres can i gets one uh thems?

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

By the way...

My little phrase was incorrect and it bothered me. I went and found the person who quoted it to me (Isaac, my brother) and he set me straight.

here's the corrected version...sure to make you smile.

Beat him like a ROPED goat.


Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

which is basically what USC did to Michigan recently in the Rose Bowl.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Big mistake...taking Isaac's word for something, I mean. Tied goat sounds better. Although personally, I prefer the saying, "Beat him like a rented mule."

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

I don't like Tied Goat anymore.

I DO like rented mule, however. I wish I had thought of it.

I also like Roped Goat--even if Isaac said it. I also think it's funny to note how badly Michigan got thrashed.

Dan said...

A belated Happy Foo Year to you as well! May 2007 be a totally foo hardy year ... or something.

The Stupid Blogger said...

My point was not whether or not you liked "tied goat." I merely said it sounds better than "roped goat." And it does. Say "roped goat" over and over really fast several times. Sounds dumb, doesn't it? It's no wonder you Nordbys stick together. No one else will have you!

The Stupid Blogger said...

Wow, my last comment sounded pretty harsh. Should I apologize? Nah.

Anonymous said...

this message is for the girlfriend, who has many anger issues obviously. these should be taken care of with professional care as soon as posible. perhaps a minister could assist in the healing process. as soon as I read your post, the girlfriend I went to my knees in prayer. I was afraid I would say something I would regret. the LORD showed to me that I should rebuke you in His Name and tell you to be nice to me. you're response was not nice and kind. while I correct others when prompted by the LORD and in a spirit of loving kindness, others cannot seem to do this as well. you all have resisted the instructions of the LORD, damn it, and will pay......

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Hahahahaha...we finally drove Anonymous to cursing.

Also, Stupid, your post was harsh, but I kind of liked it.

We Nordbys DO stick together and other normal types WON'T have us. Kind of proud of that fact, actually.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Oy! Anonymous! The LORD is telling me to come to your house and sow some poots in your couch.

I come seeking your advice about this, because I know you have a direct, Nextel-like, connection with Him.I want you to tell me if this is merely my own will to do right by you, or truly a calling from The LORD.

I love you, in a truly brotherly, non-gay sense, and I trust your judgement, Brother Anon.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...


How would you know what love in a non-gay sense is like?

Sorry, man...couldn't resist. I was out on the town last night with a bunch of my family (Craig's right, not many other folks will hang out with us, so we go take our "mobile riot" to the streets occasionally). Anyway, my brother, Isaac "The Cool", has a very slender, very bald buddy who we savaged mercilessly for his obvious gay-ness last night. He took it well and even fired a few (less devastating, but cute) shots across our bows.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Yeah, Anon. I find it hilarious you would suggest The Girlfriend find professional help, when you are obviously a menace. By the way, how about typing your comments into Word, or any other decent word processing program, and using spell-check?