Thursday, October 12, 2006

Being Nocturnal

I work nights. This has its ups and downs, just like petting cats, but less bitey. What ups and what downs, you might ask? Good question.

Does the ease of capturing spiffy nighttime shots like this cancel out the fact that nobody except deranged lawyers and certain breeds of frog are awake by the time I'm free? If I like frogs, and for the sake of this argument let's assume I do, then yes, the tradeoff is worth it. Granted, a lot of my friends go to bed at more or less "normal" or "reasonable" or "not stupid" hours so I shan't be able to share the frogs with them. Sounds poetic, does it not?

And lo, I am greatly saddened. Oh, but that there could be more hours in the day! I shan't be able to share of my frogs lest the celestial bodies see fit to slow their clockwork!

Yeah, that was worth the interruption. *cough*

So what I've got is frogs and lawyers, avoiding rush hour traffic on the way home (traffic of any kind, really), spiffy night vistas to take pictures of, and of course being witness to my cats going nuts in the dark. They do this every night, my cats. Must be a way of relieving tension they built up during the day and wish to release in secret. Most importantly though, I've also got the opportunity to become a Creepy Night Putz, (CNP) which is good or bad, depending on my veiwpoint.

For the sake of argument, let's assume I'd like it.

One advantage, for example, of being a CNP allows you to do away with "fashion", since (a) the number of people who would see and critique you is drastically reduced and (b) if you're wandering around a 24-hour grocery store at three in the morning, people aren't going to be terribly surprised to see you wearing, oh, say... How about I make you another list? Those seem to be popular on the Blog lately.

Appropriate Attire for the Creepy Night Putz:

  • Mismatched socks, worn over the shoes
  • A big fuzzy hat with earflaps and some tasteful boxer shorts
  • Any skirt over a pair of beige corduroy pants
  • A big poofy winter coat with squirrels in the pockets
  • Wooden earrings carved to look like congressmen
  • The lower half of a full-body cast and a bowtie
  • A white tuxedo with grass stains all over it
  • Chainmail pants and a Hawaiian shirt
Feel free to mix 'n' match from that list, time-wasters, to create your own unique look. A look that says to the cashier "I'm here to buy matches and decorative pillows at midnight, and then I'm going to go home and dance in my bathtub. And I've got a coupon for them pillows!" A look that demands respect.

After you've finished your shopping, you can spend some time lurking in the bushes outside the zoo, writing in your Blog, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk by moonlight (which impresses artistic lady-types) or going to Denny's and reading the menu aloud to yourself and chuckling pleasantly. The night is young, and there aren't a lot of people awake to stop you, so let your creativity run away with itself!

So yeah. There's that.

It takes a little bit of time to learn the skill of balancing a normal-ish life during the day with being a Creepy Night Putz, but it can be done.

I was planning to write up a list of disadvantages to being awake most of the night, but... I've got some important bushes to be in, and I can't find my fuzzy hat.


Moon said...

That sounds great to me! except for the frogs and lawyers. At least you have a 24 grocery store to go to. In my case, I don't work nights, actually I don't work period. But I am certainly nocturnal...I don't know why but for some reason I can't go to bed at normal sleeping hours and I most definitely do not sleep during the day. I go to class and wonder about living elsewhere, while at night I sit here in front of the computer blogging, and reading about other people's lives. I do get to play with my pup and knit...Not as interesting as mixmatching the CNP attire though.
In case you're wondering, I just clicked "Next Blog" and yours came up! :)

Anonymous said...

I love frogs. Perhaps some night you could get one for me. Of course I only like cute ones.

Jack W. Regan said...

First off, that's an awesome picture. Secondly, Creepy Night Putz would be a good name for a set of weird dance moves.

"Let's do the Putz!"

Anonymous said...

Doin' the Putz would be fun to watch but could get you arrested. Instead, I suggest that Crispy Neat Poots would be a good 3-bar name for a puffed sugar cereal. Of course it would be a good name for a band, but I can't help but feel there's hidden greatness lurking here.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

How about "Crispy Newt Poots"? It's got that amphibious goodness to it, and somehow remains crispy!

That, and "Newt" is always funny.