Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy Foo Year!

As resident FooDaddy on this here Blog, I'd like to take a moment to thank all you faithful time-wasters for your dedicated reading of our nonsense. As soon as I get the time, money, and spy satellite, I will visit and hug each and every one of you in person.

I played board games. I spilled cider on my lap. I smell like fireworks. It was a good Foo Year's Eve, time-wasters. And you know what the best part is? The header. It will now make a little more sense. There's history there now, and the link to the past it so boldly bears is truly in the past.

So to all of you who told me that it already was 2006, I say this: *cough* Um. No it's not. Haw.

To those who regularly Indulge in Stupidity by leaving us Comments, thank you for making yourselves known. Anonymous? I'd like to give you a shout-out in particular for making sure that all of us know just how evil we've been over the last few months of 2006. To honor you, I will now point out all the evils in this post, because I value you and your time, and would like to help you save some of it.

  1. The graphic of a party hat is inappropriate because it suggests partying and all the drinking and swearing and toilet-papering and hip-movement that goes with it. It should be deleted immediately.
  2. Hugging is the Devil's way of spreading germs. People, especially men and women, should remain at least three feet apart at all times, unless they're married, in which case they may decrease the distance to one and a half feet, but only if they're planning on having children.
  3. Spilling anything on your lap, even if it's accidental, is lewd and should be punished by bullwhip. Your lap contains your reproductive organs, and they should never have attention called to them. Nor should they be talked to.
  4. "Bugging" the "web" is a worldly and nasty thing to do. It should be avoided. Also, the word "bugging" is eerily similar to the word "buggery," which is slang for sodomy. This indicates horrible things, and should be changed to "Giving delightful sugared candies to" in the header.
  5. Mocking people is bad.
In closing, I love you all. Keep that traffic flowing!


Jack W. Regan said...

One and a half feet? Easy, stallion.

Stupid Woman Driver said...

stupid, you need to stop by my house and check out the crater in my back yard from the firework display you missed. o! and foodaddy, you seemed to forget how evil fireworks are. they promote distruction and sexual thoughts. why sexual thoughts you might ask? have you ever heard the phrase to "see fireworks"? this sugests the idea of a person "climaxing".
and a note to anonymous:
1. i like being called "the Girlfriend" i have stalker issues and this title given to me is there to protect.(plus, im titled not as just any Girlfriend, but THE Girlfriend. aka. im special)
2. how do you know that buck and cassidy arent married? have you ever read song of songs/solomon? that book of the bible is chuck full of sexual references. sex is a beautiful thing designed by God to be shared by a husband and wife. it is in no way evil.
3. the refrence to the "wicked post with the naked man". God designed the human body, yours and mine. it is Gods work. hand crafted from the dust of the earth. if you care to mock his artistry, i wont stop you.
and finaly...
4. when did God give you the right to judge the writers of the blog of stupid, let alone anyone for that matter? a couple of complete strangers. you have no idea where they are with God. you have absolutely no right to judge anyone.EVER.

Stupid Woman Driver said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Stupid Woman Driver said...

add-on to point #2: cassidy said "we'll never get pregnant this way". they must be married!!

and 5. why wont you even give us a first name? are you ashamed to call yourself a christian? how long will you deny having pride in your relatioship with God? think about that one "Peter"

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Whoa, The Girlfriend. Fiery! You whomped him like a rented mule!

I must have you.

Stupid Woman Driver said...

anonymous, i would love for you to respond to this.
rented mule??? wheres can i gets one uh thems?

Jack W. Regan said...

Big mistake...taking Isaac's word for something, I mean. Tied goat sounds better. Although personally, I prefer the saying, "Beat him like a rented mule."

Dan said...

A belated Happy Foo Year to you as well! May 2007 be a totally foo hardy year ... or something.

Jack W. Regan said...

My point was not whether or not you liked "tied goat." I merely said it sounds better than "roped goat." And it does. Say "roped goat" over and over really fast several times. Sounds dumb, doesn't it? It's no wonder you Nordbys stick together. No one else will have you!

Jack W. Regan said...

Wow, my last comment sounded pretty harsh. Should I apologize? Nah.

Anonymous said...

this message is for the girlfriend, who has many anger issues obviously. these should be taken care of with professional care as soon as posible. perhaps a minister could assist in the healing process. as soon as I read your post, the girlfriend I went to my knees in prayer. I was afraid I would say something I would regret. the LORD showed to me that I should rebuke you in His Name and tell you to be nice to me. you're response was not nice and kind. while I correct others when prompted by the LORD and in a spirit of loving kindness, others cannot seem to do this as well. you all have resisted the instructions of the LORD, damn it, and will pay......

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Oy! Anonymous! The LORD is telling me to come to your house and sow some poots in your couch.

I come seeking your advice about this, because I know you have a direct, Nextel-like, connection with Him.I want you to tell me if this is merely my own will to do right by you, or truly a calling from The LORD.

I love you, in a truly brotherly, non-gay sense, and I trust your judgement, Brother Anon.

Jack W. Regan said...

Yeah, Anon. I find it hilarious you would suggest The Girlfriend find professional help, when you are obviously a menace. By the way, how about typing your comments into Word, or any other decent word processing program, and using spell-check?