Monday, February 26, 2007

Social Networkin'


The FooDaddy has officially joined the 21st century. He had to, you see, in order to spread his insidious propaganda more efficiently. World domination doesn't come easy these days. You need to know at least a few HTML tags, for one. Italics. Bold. Even such advanced ideas as bold italics.

Now that I'm done showing off my Internet prowess, lemme 'splain. I'm now featured on both MyFace and Spacebook. I can link to the MyFace profile (see how blue them last couple words is?) but the Spacebook one is a little more private. This allows your identity to be stolen only by those who know how to circumvent this privacy. Makes me feel better.

MyFace? Geez. I've never seen so many animated ads on one page before. There's enough of them to actually budge my laptop's processor out of its clocked-down state and run my batteries down faster.

I'm sure you're familiar with the "Poke the rabbits and get a free iPod" type ad. They're like crappy little games you can play if you're a loser! Yay! The ones that are new to me, outside of Hotmail that is, are the ones for the dating site "Trūe". There's a macron over the "u" for some reason, as if we needed help pronouncing it. If that were the case, then you're probably too stupid to be getting anywhere near the other sex for fear that you might reprod
ūce.

Then again, if you're st
ūpid enough, even that might be beyond yoū.

I don't know if the Trūe ads are gender-specific, because if they're not, they're aiming pūrely for the male/lesbian crowd. The frames are dominated by a quasi-hooker in a dress made out of the same fabric bike shorts are, but smaller. One of them is Flash animated, and rams her buttocks into the edge of her frame every time you caress her with your mouse pointer.

This is creepy.

So for months now, I've been railing against these social networking sites, ridiculing them for the shallow and ad-infested shadows of friendships that they are.

"Do you have a Spacebook profile?" a well-meaning friend would ask.

"No," I would say, and attempt a high-speed shuffle in another direction.

"You should get one!" they'd say.

"I don't have rabies either, but that's no reason to go sign up for it," I'd snort.

"On second thought, you might want to keep that attitude of yours quarantined," they'd say, tightening the straps on my straitjacket.

"I'm not crazy. It's the resta ya," I'd say. "Gimme a lollipop, and I'll lay still."

It went something like that, until I finally caved in and entered the future of networking kicking and screaming. I figure if I dilute it with enough sarcasm and goofy pictures, I'll be able to have it both ways: I can succumb to peer pressure and be aloof.

Yay internet!

21 comments:

Jacob Nordby said...

Hey, Foo...

speaking of technological upgrades...

whose ____________ do I have to __________ to get added back in so I can write stunningly funny stuff on this Blog?

You fill in the blanks.

I was thinking "whose refrigerator do I have to organize" by the way.

Jacob

The Stupid Blogger said...

Well, see, this is weird, because I just checked and, according to the Blog internals, you're still listed as a contributor. It must have something to do with the switch-over to the "new" Blogger. Tell ya what. I'll delete you as a contributor and then re-add you. Maybe that will fix the problem. I hope so, because I am having serious Pickle Weasel withdrawals.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Well, glad to see you around the Net anyway, Foo. And the Trūe ads are the only reason I stick around MySpace. Heheheheheee.

Jacob Nordby said...

ahhhhh....sweet relief. I AM Somebody. I am a STUPID BLOGGER again!!!

Jacob Nordby said...

ahhhhh....sweet relief. I AM Somebody. I am a STUPID BLOGGER again!!!

foofan said...

Sweep release! You AM slum buddy. You is Blog stupid againe! Yeah!

One more time!

angry ballerina said...

yay the internet indeed. Keeps me busy whilst I should be working. Godforbid i actually earn my pay. Cool blog btw.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Angry Ballerina: Thanks fer the comment, and love your name, by the way. It'd make a great name for a restaurant chain.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Welcome back, Nordby! Now don't mess it up this time. We need folks of your...ahem...caliber around here.

angry ballerina said...

Should I ever venture into the restaurant biz I'll keep that in mind.

food addy said...

"Angry Ballerina":

is a great name for a band.

should have been the B-side to Left Banke's Pretty Ballerina ("I threw a date at an angry ballerina / Her eyes so brilliant that it hurt my hair.."

is the title of the next book by Gelsey Kirkland.

angry ballerina said...

What are you doing throwing dates at me?!

food addy said...

Turning our shared existential angst into edible art?

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Yeah. Boo life.

Okay. Just noticed that I made a big mistake. The letter "u" in the True logo has the line underneath. Dang it. Guess that shows just how much attention I was paying to the letters.

angry ballerina said...

Fun at my expense is NOT ART. But it's profitable. How much do you plan on charging per throw? Oh and paying attention may be a good thing.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=I8h7Ems_7MM

That's what The Father was talking about. One of my favorite bands, The EELS, covered it at a concert I went to. I about puked my pants it was so awesome.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Shiny, shiny Vista icons...

food addy said...

Transmuted suffering is almost always art (the song "Pretty Ballerina" being an excellent case in point). Pointing out that something is not art is not art. Having fun at someone's expense is not art, it's just fun.

Shiny Vista icons are not art.

Fun is almost never art. But who said it was fun?

"True" with a line under the u? What were they thinking??

Dates are good but fig paste is only one step away from a Fig Newton.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Oh! I get it! They're underlining the "u" because "YOU" are important! Enough to be underlined!

Thank you, Intanet! I'm so underlinedly happy now.

angry ballerina said...

Why should art be fun? Because I said so. Maybe you should throw dates to music soaked in red, green, and purple paint. And then call it art. If you call something wierd enough art, then it's art. So says the Angry Ballerina.

food addy said...

I'd like to find some "music soaked in red, green, and purple paint". I could play it on my chromelodeon and call it not Art but Scriabin.

But that's for another day.