Friday, December 10, 2010

Let the Party Begin, Er, Renew!

Like a moth drawn to a flame, the Blog of Stupid has worked its magic and drawn me back into its moldy embrace. And it only took two years. Twenty-one months, to be exact, but who’s counting? Oh, that’s right--you are! There are no doubt legions of faithful fans who have not moved from their increasingly uncomfortable chairs for two longish years, staring at their computer screens and manically clicking the browser refresh button, the desk and surrounding floor piled high with pizza boxes and empty take-out bins. Their t-shirt fronts, stretched to the point of no return by their massive, quivering bellies, are covered with the dust of a thousand Pringles®. Although nauseated by this mental image, my heart is warmed as I imagine the croaks of joy that escape their parched throats and picture them attempting to stand and cheer. They are, of course, unable to do so, their asses having fused to the fake leather of their office chairs sometime last August.

I must interrupt the joy for just a moment, however, to make a confession. I have been unfaithful. Yes, it’s true. I have written for other blogs. One of which was for an excellent cause, however, namely turning the life of a co-author into a living hell. I started a blog devoted to mocking and belittling him. After several posts in this vein, however, I thought, “Why not bring this mockery to a larger audience, while at the same time reviving The Blog, possibly even returning it to its former glory?”

But then I thought, why waste the grand re-opening Blog post on such an unworthy subject? Would that not merely encourage the little wanker to further incompetent mischief? So I reached a compromise. I will, indeed, write a Blog post employing the lowest blows possible in hopes of crushing the spirits of *ick* him, but it will not be this one. It will be a small, insignificant post uploaded in the middle of the night so that only people of ill-repute will be likely to see it. In this way I will be sure to ruin his reputation among his peers. Haw.

6 comments:

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

You are a terrible, terrible man.

Craig Hart said...

Indeed. I also have no peer.

FooDaddy's FooDaddy said...

Have you a dock, then?

Tammi said...

I sense hostility toward my son. I do not find that to be acceptable behavior, Mr. Hart.

Craig Hart said...

Aw, he knows I don't mean it. Which is annoying, because I've been trying to convince him for years.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Ha! Your feeble attempts to damage my esteem are akin to a toddler attempting to punch his way through a brick moose.