Friday, May 02, 2008

Coffee Helps Build a NAS

NAS - Network Attached Storage; any number (within reason) of hard drives connected as directly as possible to a computer network. Useful for moving your data bits to a different room so the cats can't bite your drives.

"You home from work now?" Coffee asked, chipper as usual.

"Nope. This is the garage," I said, sarcastic as usual. Coffee smacked me in the back of the head. Quite a feat, considering.

"As long as we're not fully home yet, you wanna go run around the neighborhood? It'll be a blast. We can pretend to be skunks, and hide in some bushes."


"Skunks. Yeah."

"Why the hell?"

"Why the hell not?"

Coffee had me there. His powers of persuasive reasoning never fail to illuminate an issue with a bright, metallic caffeine tang. I relented and pulled a can of stank down from a shelf on the garage wall and let Coffee lead me out into the great suburban wilderness.

"Look, a jogger. What's she doing out at two AM?"

"Getting skunked!" tittered Coffee.

"I got sticks in my butt," I muttered, shifting uncomfortably in our hidey-bush.

"Explains why you never wanna have any fun," Coffee said philosophically. "Hand me the spray."

After Coffee and I skunked the jogger and a couple of squirrels who were out awful late, we returned to the house and I keyed us in.

"You want some sort of hot, brewed beverage?" I asked Coffee, tossing my coat and the empty spray can on the couch. "I'm sure we can find something..."

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Coffee sneered, poking me in the ribs.

"On occasion."

"Well, you know what you really are?"

"Enlighten me, Coffee."

"Awesome. That's what you are. You are giant, steaming truckloads of spanky-dope."

"Gosh, thanks!" I said, touched. Coffee sure was a good friend. He always did know how to compliment a fella.

"Sweet. Now that I got you all buttered up, why don't we put together that nerd project you got the parts for? The network whatever-it-is."

"You kidding? It's four in the AM!"

"You're just hitting your stride, big fella. Besides, the sooner you start on it, the better your chances of getting it all put together before the sparrows show up. Sparrows? You know how you hate them?"

"I like sparrows."

"Do you? Well, that's lame. I'll go get the band saw!"

"Band s--? No, wait. We don't need a band saw. Just a phillips screwdriver."

"Pfft. What kinda mincing,
pansy tee-hee project doesn't need a band saw? You going soft on me?"

"No. We just don't need one."

"Fine. What're we building, then? A little gingerbread terarrium for your wuss turtles? Gonna knit a darling pair of fairy pants out of bunny dreams and unicorn poots?" Coffee pouted.

"No. A NAS. It's gonna revolutionize my--"

"It's not going to revolutionize anything if you can't build it with a band saw and you know it."

"We can use the electric drill to drive the screws if you can find a phillips bit," I said, giving Coffee a consoling pat on the shoulder. "Deal?"

"Deal!" he screeched.

I connected the components and tested them while Coffee drilled hundreds of tiny holes in the side of the computer case.

"What's that you got there?"

"Serial ATA controller card."

"Shouldn't it have a hole in it?"


"Seriously. I mean, like, right about there," Coffee said, pointing.

"No. And I think I'm done for the night. It's getting light out, and I have to be up a little earlier than normal today."

"But it's not even up and running yet! Lookit all these nice holes I drilled for you here. All ready to let your datas in and out, and you're not even going to connect any cereal cards up and try 'em out," Coffee said sulkily. He dropped the drill on the floor amidst all the steel dust and turned his back, facing the wall.

"I'll try it out tomorrow," I said groggily.


"I'll make you a hot drink in the morning..."

"Yeah? What kind?"

"Your favorite."

Coffee looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. "Promise?"

"Promise. Now get the hell out of here and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yay!" screeched Coffee. "And you'd better rest up good. Tomorrow we've got a lot of falling down in public places to do." He paused and looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling, and then back at me. "Hey, do weasels live in bushes?"

"Some of 'em, maybe."

"We'll do that too. I never bit a guy before, and--"

"Goodnight, Coffee."


Anonymous said...

tell coffee that skunking people is not nice.

Coffee also needs to understand that you can revolutionize things without a band saw. I have seen it done. and you will do it.

The hole drilling part is mine; at least the ones in the floor.

can't wait to see it done.

Anonymous said...

I would have figured that you liked sticks in your butt. Sinner.