Tuesday, April 01, 2008

New Post Quickie

Once upon a time, there was this guy named George who wrote in his blog. He always used the "Arial" typeface.

One day, he wrote about a fat kid who wanted to be President of the United States. He wrote:

Once upon a time, there was a fat kid who wanted to be President of the United States.

Then he stopped and stared at the screen. There was a lot of white space on there. He re-read what he'd written, and saw that it was good. "Who wouldn't want to see a chunky kid made President? That's hilarious!" he said to himself in a rather oblivious manner.

He continued:

This kid knew that in order to attain the highest office in the land, he would need to promise everybody in the country a free tub of Marshmallow Fluff in exchange for their vote.

George doubled over in a paralyzing hurricane of giggles. This was some of his best material, he thought, and set out to make this the Post to End All Posts.

He typed:

So he enlisted the help of Walter the Magic Dinosaur to help him win the hearts and minds of the people. Then he went and got a sandwich.

George frowned at the screen. That last bit kind of sucked. He considered backspacing, but George was a lazy man. He thought he might be able to get the post back on the rails without amputating the last line. "I'll just sort of write around it, as it were," he chuckled, poking a cat.

He wrote:

But this was no ordinary sandwich, for it was crafted of bread and frogs.

"Oh, geez. That's even worse. Frog sandwich? Good name for a band, but...man," muttered George. He looked at his watch. Already getting pretty late. He looked at what he'd written. It stank. "But that's okay!" he said with an optimistic finger-jabbing. "I'm expected to be weird!"

"Yes, but not lame," pointed out his girlfriend.

George ignored this.

He typed:

So when the fat kid threw his hat in the ring, it smelled of frogs, and since this pleased Walter the Magic Dinosaur, Walter used his magic. Thanks to his friend Walter's help, the fat kid ended up as President of these United States! His first executive directive was to outlaw morons. Everyone lived happily ever after!

George thought this was pretty good. He'd pulled this one outta the fire, by Bob! He slapped himself on the back, hurting his arm.

"I could have done that for you," his girlfriend said.

"Hurt my arm?"

"Slapped you on the back."

He smiled winningly at her, and they both had some Fluff.


Jack W. Regan said...

Yay, Fluff has made it's triumphant return to the Blog!

Sorry for my inexcusable commenting absence. I shall remedy that today, possibly even posting something myself! Yes, I kid you not. Because goats are smelly.

Now, however, work calls to me and I dare not ignore its raucous voice. I shall return.

Jack W. Regan said...

Yes, folks, Fluff has made it is triumphant return...geez.

Anonymous said...

I will personally make sure that fluff never leaves the blog for a long period of time.

That my mean I have to use my powers and I am ok with that.

Anonymous said...

I like Fluff and Quickies both and vow to make a sandwich of them at the earliest.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

This one's a bit longish for a "Quickie". Laziness dictates that I get back to my roots.

Anonymous said...

Of course it does. As 17th-century French mathematician Blaise Pascal writ: "I made [this present bit of writing] longer because I didn't have time to make it shorter." Always take the time to be concise and elegant unless you're after the yuks that come from gassing on at absurd length. Get on, make 'em gasp, and get off fast.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Hee hee! That sounds dirty!