Friday, March 28, 2008

Life Goals Quickie

Once upon a time, there was a little purple squirrel who lived in your ear.

“I want to grow up to be a spaceman!” the little squirrel said one day and set out on a journey. After a few miles, he came upon a magic sparrow.

“I can give you the power of flight if you eat this little pile of twigs and wash my car,” the sparrow promised.

“That's a bunch of duck hockey,” said the squirrel. “Why must you patronize me?”

“Because I'm a hateful, disease-riddled sky pest. So do we have a deal?”

“We sure do!” the squirrel said, stuffing his mouth with twigs and reaching for a bucket of soapy water. After he had completed his tasks, he approached the sparrow and asked for his flight. The sparrow handed him a cheese doodle he'd been chewing on and flew away.

“Yay!” said the squirrel, putting the doodle in his backpack. “Now all I have to do is find NASA headquarters!” He set his tail on fire, and learned an important lesson about trusting sparrows. His parents were very proud.

When he got to NASA headquarters, he went to the front desk and asked for an application. Under the Previous Experience section, he wrote that he had once flown to Saturn and buried some acorns in the rings. The NASA people were very impressed. They had been trying to do that for decades.

"You're hired!" said a chunky man in a space suit. He gave the little squirrel a badge and told him where the bathrooms were. The squirrel went to bed that night in your ear a very happy squirrel indeed.


Anonymous said...

Ha! That is very funny. I think the squirrel in my ear is a very evil one. It keeps telling me to um, well, I can't tell you I might get arrested.

Anonymous said...

I think Teh Boy has found his niche. Well, one of 'em. We've spent most of our lives in niches. But one of 'em is the Demented Short Short Story. Kinda reminds me of Robert Benchley's Uncle Edith stories, but this has a nutty aroma all its own.

Anonymous said...

I love these short stories. I will never trust a disease-ridden sky pest. I would love to fly to Saturn and find the acorns that are buried there.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Aww, Beth! You have to show me your evil ear squirrel next time you visit. I'm sure Benchley would get a kick out of it. He'd chase it, or write a nutty Uncle Edith story about can never tell with him.

Anonymous said...

Squirrel Doodles would be a good name for... squirrel doodles.

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Har! Dad made me lol!

I mean, there I was. Sitting in front of the LCD, staring as it were, at the pixels.

Then the Squirrel Doodles thing caught me square in the sclera, and I made a snorty.