Saturday, December 29, 2007

Saturday Ramblings

A squirrel ran out in front of my car the other day. I hate it when they do this, because squirrels are not particularly bright animals. They'll be dashing across a busy thoroughfare and be within a few feet of success, can even see the safety of a tree trunk waving them on, when their courage fails. They stop, turn around, and are immediately flattened by my car.

The squirrel in question, however, was fairly goal-oriented and actually ran in a straight line from one side of the street to the other. And he escaped a terrible fate.

There is a life lesson to be learned here. Set your goals and stick with them or your body might, in the space of a second or two, assume the approximate shape of a ping-pong paddle. Although I doubt if anyone would consider using you as such, in that condition.

"There you go, getting intestines all over the ping-pong ball again! Geeeez! Don't you ever think of anyone other than yourself?"

I was thinking about goals the other day. Any motivational speaker unworthy of his exorbitant fee will tell you that setting goals is the number one key to ultimate success. But what is a goal?

First of all, setting unreasonable goals will lead to failure and depression. On the other hand, one should not underestimate one's own abilities, since I believe we are all capable of much more than we think. But...can one really know what is a reasonable goal, if we don't know what we're capable of? For instance, I told myself prior to writing this that I would not end any sentences with a preposition. So far, that's a goal I have stuck with. But back to the subject at hand.

I think men are more self-conscious than women. No, don't try to argue with me, because that will make me mad. And when I get mad, I tend to write very long articles and post them on blogs.

For example, when a woman sees an old friend in the mall, they wave wildly, leap up and down, and even go so far as to construct a bullhorn out of organic materials, such as tree bark and grass. A man, on the other corny foot, will simply nod slightly in the general direction of his long-lost brother. If they were really close, he might even extend an index finger, raise it heavenward, and give it a quick, abrupt jerk downward.

This may seem odd to women, but to men it is all that is needed. While women, upon discovering this prodigal, scurry off to Panera Bread and discuss the preceding twenty years of history at great length, men communicate all they need in the nod of a head or shake of a finger.

"Hey, there," says the nod. "I always wondered if you escaped from that Vietcong prison camp. The last time I saw you, you were being tortured for giving me your last crust of bread as I was scaling the prison wall on my way to freedom. Thanks, old buddy."

But now I'm hungry, so if you'll pardon me, I believe I shall go run over an indecisive squirrel on my way to self-consciously order some food. See, I have goals!

2 comments:

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Your logic contains a fatal flaw. Several, in fact.

I choose to behave as a woman, though, and say..."If you don't know what's the matter, then I'm not telling you!" (this said with an insolent flip of the head)

IludiumPhosdex said...

New here in BlogMad myself, to be honest about it.

Have just launched a new blog (and expect it to take some shape over coming days) that may be along your lines--I call it The Exaggerator, which I describe as "Not exactly the worst weblog online ... but trying hard to be."

See for yourself if you think such is in your line of blogging.