Monday, September 04, 2006

Home

Home is a powerful word.

Okay, lemme try that again because that sounds stupid.

Home is a powerful idea. It's the embodiment of security, warmth and cat debris. It is the place where you go when you've got nowhere else to turn. It's that little house button on your browser.

It's also, if you're lucky, the place where you put your computer. I'm not on my computer. Which is a good indication that I'm not home. And to keep the suspense from killing some of our more sensitive readers, I'mma admit right away that I'm using The Girlfriend's computer. I've squirrelled myself away in her basement and commandeered her computer.

There is a collection of interesting things here on the desk. A piece of yella paper here that has a list of things on it in tiny handwriting, for example. Number 4 says "indulgences" while another says "printing press". This is evidently some kind of world-domination checklist. Makes me nervous.

There's a pair of glasses that give me an instant headache. A receipt for something called a "MoneyGram," which I take to be some kind of delicious legal cracker.

To close this post, I've come up with a really stupid way of saying that somebody in your vicinity isn't meeting the full intelligence expectations: "(name of person)'s been eating too many frogs!"

I know, I know. I blame the coffee.

13 comments:

Dan said...

Dude, you're funny. I'm gonna bookmark this here blog so that I can read it regularly.

I try to be humorous in my blog as well. The blogosphere is so bereft of humor it's mind-boggling. Just endless prattling about insipid things in people's lives. Help!

The Stupid Blogger said...

World-domination checklist. I like that idea. I can see Hitler musing in his study, surrounding by piles of Post-It notes.

"Hmmm, let's see. Massive army, silly mustache, death camps...yup! I think I'm ready!"

Dan said...

That's it! You brought up the H word, my friend. You crossed the line. This is no joking matter.

I have no choice but to ... immediately link to your blog from mine.

P.S. Al Gore invented Post-It notes

The Stupid Blogger said...

I think Al Gore also invented Al Gore. Many times.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Spiff! Thanks, Dan. I too have been troubled by the fact that a good 80% of bloggers have evidently spilled mustard all over their keyboards, disabling a great many of the punctuation keys.

so yeh thax four stoping bye!

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

So, Foo,

(ask Craig, I'm his very nicest brother in law but...) I just can't help but needle you. It's especially sweet since I've never met you.

OK, now on to the needling...

So, you conspicuously mention a Girlfriend. I was not one of those in suspense--probably because of my geographical separation--but I must confess surprise that you ended up talking about a Girl. I mean...an artistic guy...funny...likes cats...(probably isn't watching the Sunday Night football game at this moment)? OK, I apologize again.

Now, I was intrigued by the list of things on your Girlfriend's desk. I would stick with any girl who keeps the concept of indulgences close to hand. That suggests interesting possibilities/propensities. If anything, encourage her in the delusion that she can fiddle around with sin and then just pay to get out of the consequences. You should, in fact, get a second job to make more trouble-free sinning possible.

Also, Craig mentioned the dictator thing. That's perhaps true here, too, but don't be discouraged. If your girlfriend has despotic tendencies, it may just spice things up a bit. I think that an exotic private twist or two may just go along with a craving to oppress the masses.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Watch your step around The Girlfriend, Pick Wheeze. If she is truly after world domination, you can be sure you'll be the first one put up against the wall and shot when the revolution comes.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

You got me good, Stupid. I can't remember which good old book that part came from (up against the wall, etc), but I laughed alot out loud when I just read this. My wife glared at me, so I stopped.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.'"

That book, perhaps? It's a good old book.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Yeah, that's the one. Personally, I think that line is the best one in all literature and I have used it at every possible occasion. It's one of the few quotes that becomes funnier with each successive telling. I have Peeze Whik to thank for turning me on to "The Guide."

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Ah, yes!!!! Wow. that's just about the only "science fiction" I can stomach. Probably because it so thoroughly resembles humor.

The Stupid Blogger said...

No Jules Verne?

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

Um...yeah, a little of him, too, I guess.