Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Intercontinental Stupid Pipeline (ISP)

So, I am having a hard time lately. Actually, I'm having a ridiculously good time, but it requires me to have my brain fully engaged in non-stupid activities.

And that's a problem.

Foo Daddy and Stupid apparently have advanced levels of free time judging from the quality (and just breathtaking sheer quantity) of their recent work. I have almost no free time.

In fact, it's Sunday morning and I am sitting in a contentedly socially unacceptable state of dress and hygiene. This makes me feel guilty since there are much better things I could be doing at the moment. I could, for example, be writing some very important strategic objective plans for my company, or reviewing and writing our operations manual, or thinking over cash flow projections for the next quarter... You get the picture.

The problem is, none of these things are as fun as stupidity. The other problem is I have pretty much unhooked from the Intercontinental Stupid Pipeline for the last few weeks. We moved our company into new offices so beautiful and downright dang cool that it will likely spark a whole new French Revolution (no great loss there...a few more Frenchmen sans their heads).

So, anyway, as you can see from the lacklusterness of my writing here, my Stupidity Tank is almost completely on empty.

For a second, let's examine the idea of the Intercontinental Stupid Pipeline. I think it's a swell concept. It already exists, actually. It runs in very higgledy piggledly fashion around the globe. So far, there is no overriding international governing body--no Secretary General of Stupidity (although, I think that Foo or Stupid Blogger would get the nod, for sure).

The best thing about the ISP is that one can tap into it anywhere, anytime and with no money. You need no technology, you need no previous experience or education (in fact, those are huge detriments), and you need no special equipment. You can obtain and use vast quantities of Stupid any time you want.

One small example of this from my own experience. I was out in public (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love days they forget my meds!) recently. I was standing in line and noticed a woman obviously "with child". Well, my wife and I have done that a few times and I am interested in other people who are doing it, too. So, I, with my customary sophistication and poise, caught her attention and asked, "So...when is baby due?"

I knew that my reserve of Stupidity was brimming full when she replied, "Uh...I'm not pregnant. I just need to go on a diet...."

DOH!

5 comments:

The Stupid Blogger said...

You did that AGAIN????

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

For shame, Nordby. After that, you may just as well go all the way and accuse her of eating babies. Give her the stink-eye, and step away a few paces.

Jacob "Pickle Weasel" Nordby said...

no, Craig...it wasn't AGAIN. I was lying for the sake of the story. I should have known that you'd remember my faux pas from when I lived in Michigan.

The Stupid Blogger said...

Ah, *phew*. I was thinking that, not only was your reserve of Stupidity full, but you had been guzzling litres of the stuff straight out of the ISP! heh. Sorry, didn't mean to tread on your artistic license, there. Lie away.

Donnie Massengill said...

Oops!! Hate it when that happens!!
That was like the time I was hanging out with a new friend, and I asked him, "do you know who that retarded guy is?"(I was being serious) He said, "yeah, thats my brother." Oops. I couldn't quite get my foot to my mouth. I need lose weight and in not eating babies.