Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Succumbing at last to the Call of the Stupid

Seems wrong, really.
No, I'm not talking about the fact that I left out a subject in the above sentence.
Hemingway did it. Often. And. He blew his brains. Out.
But, I digress.
I wrote quite brilliantly at one point about my upcoming triumphal return to Grand Rapids, Michigan.
At the time it seemed like a faraway, distant dream.
Well, my stupid friends, that time has nearly come.
I am to board a jet plane (or, to use the parlance of this golb--haha! spelled it backwards--aeroplane) on Thursday morning.
So, I am sounding my Stupid Trumpet to all those within earshot.
I will be hosting enough drinks at One Trick Pony to make most of Fulton Street stupid on Friday night (I think).
Foo, if you must, I will purchase for you an Sarsparilla. Stupid, if Wifey will not allow you the drink of a real man, I will put froot punch in your sippy cup. ( wow! that was a LOT more insulting than I thought it would be at first )
Anyways, please respond if you would like to join me for a Cretins Conference. It would be a pleasure to see you!
The internationally famous Pickle Weasel


Anonymous said...

Hey Pickle Puss, Oh, I mean Weasle,
Do you honestly think that if Craig has a hankering for a "manly" drink I could stop him? Craig isn't the mousey guy some seem to think he is. He is very manly and powerful and loves to lord that over littly mousey wifey. So, If you insist on getting my big powerful manly husband drunk, well, I was kinda hoping to join in on the fun.

Jacob Nordby said...

Well, then...you're invited. I gotta' tell you, though, Wifey...NO MEAN DRUNKS! If you come and imbibe too much then it better make you even more funnier than you usually are.

Seriously, this will be fun.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling I would be a very loud and noisy drunk. Probably laugh a lot more than I do now. You might have to put a muzzle on me. Lol

Anonymous said...

"Return"? Does this mean the pickle weasel first originated in Grand Rapids originally? that its grit and slime interpenetrates the pickle weasel's very genetic code? --that it has, in fine, made you what you are today?

[eats some gooey butter cake]

[blows crumbs] Craig's persona is just that, a thin film of mouciliousness over something with unplumbed depths. So somebody feed him a plum, already. We need to know what's under the hood.

Anonymous said...

You've been drinking, haven't you?

Jack W. Regan said...

I have every plan to be in attendance. Foo, however, may have to work late Friday and he definitely needs to be there. Perhaps he can beg off work or we can tweak the time.

Jacob Nordby said...

We can most definitely tweak. Foo must attend. Attendance is required.

FooPappy's Pappy:

I most certainly did NOT originate in Grand Rapids. I originated in the marijuana sodden womb of my mother when she and dad were hippies living in a coffee hut on the Kona coast of Hawaii.

From there I was moved to Santa Rosa, CA (actually pierced the earth's astral barrier there) and was brung up here to Boise as a baby.

Also, I hope you have been drinking. It would be a tidy explanation for so much.

See any and all who wish to meet at One Trick Pony on Friday night!

How late does Foo work? Can we meet late (like 10 pm?) or do we need to shift the bacchanal to Saturday night?

the internationally infamous PW

Jacob Nordby said...


If someone is buying drinks then you just call in sick. No questions. It's basic alcoholic etiquette. FYI. ASAP. ETC.

Anonymous said...

Whoever named this blog is brilliant.

Jack W. Regan said...

Why, thank you! I'll take credit for it. You wouldn't happen to be the original Anon back for another pass, would you?

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Thank you for your kind words, everybody. Nordby? I look forward to your visit. I'll see what I can do about getting Friday offa work. In fact, I believe I will call The Boss right now.

As for the drinking, I once drank a bottle of this fruity beer stuff, and didn't die. I think that qualifies me as a stud of the first order. I'm thinking of trying non-fruity beer, but somehow I doubt I'd be able to get through a whole bottle without questioning the logic of drinking a liquid that smells like soggy bread and tastes like soggy bread dipped in lighter fluid.

Jacob Nordby said...

Who said beer?

There are some fine concoctions that go down very nicely on summer evenings.

Cape Cods...
Salty Dogs...

I recommend a mixture of all of the above. THEN you'll have some choice things to say to your boss!

So, call Stupid and we'll get a time set up to meet and exchange hostages.