Friday, March 30, 2007

Mouse Balls

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.

The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

"If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer
Pickle Weasel's note: this text was not original with me. If you want to be all snarky and tell me you have already received this by email and it's not funny any more, then I suggest you email--
Respectfully submitted,



Anonymous said...

Dammit, WeeZell, that's a dwarf hamster, not a mouse! Your whole set of a priori assumptions is flawed!

Jacob Nordby said...

well, I would normally agree, but the prima facie evidence would suggest otherwise, you prep-school snot.

I don't wish you to confuse this with res ipsa loquitur--although it is getting pretty close.

All in all, your comments add up to what's known in intellectual cirlces as a non sequitur.

Now pass-a the meat-a ball-as.

Jack W. Regan said...

And just how would you know what's known in intellectual circles, Peekle Wizel? Do you get their newsletter? (hehehehe)

Jacob Nordby said...

hehehehe, yourself

I WRITE the newsletter. I'm surprised that my demonstration of advanced grammar skills and a nuclear-powered vocabulary wouldn't have given you a clue.

On the other hand, I am in an extremely illustrious society here on the Blog O' Stupid. Seriously, youse guys (even FooDaddy's crackpipe Pappy) are impressive.

Anonymous said...

He meant, do you "get" their newsletter. Just because you write it don't mean you grok it. Specially if you can't tell a hamster from a moose. And can't spell "circle" in Latin or English.

No meatballs for you.

Jacob Nordby said...

cirlces is the arcane term for very exalted type of societies. Good try, though :)

Paul FooDaddy Brand said...

Huh huh! We're all so weird.