In a spanky little house by the sea
In a land foreign and far, far away
There lived a horrible old man
Who didn't wanna bathe every day.
He ate doughnuts, croissants
Bags of chips and monkey pie
When the kids said he should wash
"Soap's devil's work," he'd reply.
"But you'd be so much happier clean,"
The children chided and insisted
"Get outta here, fer I gots plans t'be
The dirtiest fella whut ever existed!"
As time passed and the visits stopped
The old man got all the mustier
"Ferget them meddlin' kids and such!
My flies are much more trustier."
Then one day when the sun was high
The hot air really got to his pits
The smell forced him to his knees,
Said he, "suppose this is whut I gits!"
Coughing, he went to the shower
Used hisself some soap he still had
"Whooee! This stuff reeks of pansies!
And I thought my pits smelled bad!"
Under the long neglected shower jets
He shed his stank and bits of grit and mud
The old man shed hisself a tear
Cuz he was gonna miss his layers'a crud.
He stepped out and toweled hisself dry
"Most uncomfortable thing I ever did!"
He announced, facing an expectant crowd
"Now git off my lawn y'rotten little kids!"